A Wrap Up

Technically speaking, divorce by definition nullifies marriage. For me, it defeats the purpose of getting married. In a wider sense, I do not approve of divorce because there is annulment and I believe it is enough if marriage is not working between the couple. Divorce would be the primary hindrance in promoting family values. The problem is women and children are constantly getting abused, so if that is the case, will separation be enough? I believe if we really want to end the problem regarding abuses, we should rather penalize the wrong actions. But most of all, uplifting morals and values would be the long term key towards this problem.

According to my interviewee, divorce nullifies the whole sanctity of marriage. It completely eradicates the people’s values and it makes people vulnerable for the fact that it makes people lax that there will always be a way out of a marriage, by this; divorce is foreseen as a solution to every marriage problem there is present. I believe that the sanctity of marriage should be kept, but what about those people who are in an abusive relationship? Will we let him or her be stuck in a marriage she/he is not happy in? I strongly believe that marriage makes the world go round. It is the happiness to both couples ( at least for starters). And it completely sacrifices the single lives of both couples. This single life is more often than not missed by both of them, that is why there is a presence of a little bit of resentment. I believe that it has been the case ever since marriage and commitment is invented. Commitment is a big thing and as cliché as it may possibly sound, commitment is big responsibility. It does entail having a big responsibility because it makes use of commitment and love with one another.

            In my poll that I have posted here in my blogger site, 83 % said yes to divorce while 16 % said no to divorce. This only says that no matter what race or what religion, it will always be human nature to be self-greedy, to think about oneself first before others. Divorce, though, is not being greedy, it is being safe and it is giving you a new chance to live life the way you want to live it. I believe that divorce is a life yet to be lived by those who need it, not by those who want it. There is always a fine line between needs and wants, by now you should have known the pros and cons of divorce. What do you think? Do you think it is a need or a want? Do you think it is morality or pure personal will and greed? I continue to stand firm on my belief that divorce is a choice not an obligation. It is a form of help not the sole solution. It is the epitome of freedom in a sense of necessity. Divorce is pro-choice, pro-chances and pro-change. 

Fireproof

When it comes to divorce, I remember this one movie entitled “Fireproof”. This is an inspiring movie if you’re against divorce. This is one of my favorite movie because it shows many lessons in life, especially when it comes to divorce. I like this movie because I am against divorce. The plot of this movie is simple but very helpful. There’s this fireman who is a very hardworking and responsible man who loves to save lives of others. On the other hand, his wife is full of his husband working and not anymore showing his love to her through the years of their marriage. As days go, they were just fighting about non-sense and this is because they don’t listen to each other. Then one day, his wife filed a divorce to him. When he got the files for the divorce, he talked to his parents on what he’ll do to win her back. His parents, specially his dad, helped him and gave him a book on how to save your marriage. In this book, it has directions on what you do for the next forty days so that you can win her back. On the first few days, he tried it and got negative results. Because this happened, he didn’t want to finish the book, but when his father knew about it, he convinces him to still read the book and do whatever the book says. So he again started to read the book. By the day twenty and so on, he was happy because his wife was responding to him, but not that really great. So he just continued doing it until the last day. On the 40^th day, they got back together. This is heartwarming because in the end of the movie, the book that he read was the book read by his father when his father and mother were getting a divorce.  It is inspiring because he didn’t give up when his wife filed divorce against him. He fought for it. For me, when it comes to relationship, you shouldn’t just give up. You have to fight for it so that in the end, love will fight for you and you don’t need to file a divorce to your partner. Also, divorce is just a headache to you and your partner. First, you will spend a lot of money for the divorce to happen. Second, it will take a lot of time for you and your partner to be divorced. Third, if you have a family, you will just destroy it. Fourth, it will just ruin the future of your kids, if the couple has one.  Lastly, you will just hurt each other physically, mentally and emotionally. For me, you just need to continue to love each other so that there will be no filing of divorce happen. If there will be a time when your feelings are fading away, you just need to go back to where you started. Like try courting your partner again by doing new things and things that you haven’t done before. 

Divorce Forum

Divorce is a controversial issue ever since it was mentioned in the Philippine Congress. It was 1991, when Representative Manuel C. Ortega filed the House Bill No. 6993 to endorse the divorce to be legal in the Philippines. In 2001, similar matter was filed by Senator Rodolfo G. Biazon and Bellaflor J. Angara-Castillo under Senate Bill no. 782 and House Bill no. 878, respectively. Then, in 2005 party-list representative Liza Masa of Gabriela also filed a divorce bill and filed it again during the 14^th congress under House Bill no. 3461 to introduce divorce in the Philippines.

Today, DIVORCE has been HOT TOPIC not only inside the congress but also throughout the Philippines especially in the rural areas. There are different opinions coming out that categorizing the supporters and non-supporters of the said bill. Even the government officials have different opinions regarding the House Bill no. 3461.

Divorce has been discussed in the Philippine congress and is currently being taken up by the government to implement this law to make life easier for the society. A lot of personalities in the government are solely against the idea of divorce is the Philippines. One of which is Manny Pacquiao.

While, Saranggani Representative Manny Pacquiao took his stand to not support the bill echoing the opinion of Catholic Bishops.

For the non-supporters of the bill, marriage is not only a legal union but also a sacred union between the man and woman bless by God. These two persons institute themselves as partner for their whole life and promise not to separate whatever happens. But for the supporters, there are unhappy marriages all over the Philippines. These marriages are not working so why not end it. So, divorce is the only option for them.

Manny Pacquiao has been against the RH Bill and now also the divorce bill. He says that he is for the moral aspect of these bills. For divorce, he says that two persons are two persons as one for their whole lives. The sanctity of marriage should be given respect to and should be given much attention to by the government and the party that wanted this bill to be implemented. I believe that Manny Pacquiao is correct when he said that marriage should have sanctity but what about those people who have this anger towards their marriage? What about those people who have grudges and who are abused physically and emotionally by their spouse? I believe that this has been the case ever since. It is important for government to take the opinions of the people in order for them to have an insight on how the people themselves view divorce. I believe that it is best for people to tell the government their opinions and insights about divorce whether or not they are for or against it. I believe divorce has been there ever since and it is just waiting for the Philippines to take it in. Divorce is fighting for ones rights. Divorce is freedom of speech and freedom of choice.

http://thewutzup.com/2011/06/21/divorce-in-the-philippines/

To live does not always mean you're alive

If we legalize divorce in the philippines just because there are a lot of broken marriage nowadays i don't think that's a valid reason. When you and your spouse decided to get married that's because you're very in love with each other and that you're willing to accept commitment for the rest of your lives. During wedding you've answered big YES to all the question of the priest and that you're there for your spouse through sickness and in health just to name a few. Having problems like going to different trials,financial problems, miscommunication,etc., it's normal for that to happen in your marriage life and DIVORCE is definitely not the solution for this. It's about standing up and never give up, you've started it then you should finish it.
http://www.biliranisland.com/forum/showthread.php?1184-Should-DIVORCE-be-legalized-in-the-Philippines

According to Bill, divorce is not a solution for the Filipino people. Filipinos who want to legalize divorce should think twice before voting so because the whole point of marriage is being together forever and being able to adapt and to fix whatever that is happening between the couple. The whole point of marriage is it is a holy sacrament that enables couples to live their lives as one and to build a peaceful relationship with each other. That is why people are given their whole starting life to discover life, most people are bound to get married and to have a family of their own. Some people, though, are bound to live life alone like those who are living a chaste life. People are bound to be servants of Christ and servants of life. Life should always come first and marriage is part of life. Marriage is like life that you have to take care of it in order for you to make the right decisions in life and the right ways to live it. Life is marriage and marriage is life. When you get married, that should be your life. Marriage should always come first and people should try to live life the way they want to. Life is always what you make it and marriage is what you make it. Life is marriage and marriage should be given importance to because it simply brings the best out of people. Marriage is the key to a better life because it helps a person mature and it helps a person become himself in terms of way of living and the perception in life. I believe that life is a prize from God, but to live, for some people, does not mean they’re alive. People usually take charge of their lives but they do not make the right decisions. People should try to make their own decisions and stand up for what they believe in. There is always a freedom of speech and a freedom to say what you think. There are also human rights and women’s rights to guide you as you journey through life. These rights will pave the way to your final decision and to the way you live life. Sometimes divorce can be a choice for you, divorce is a choice—a good one at that.

Women and Divorce

I could not believe my ears when a friend told me that she was opposed to having divorce in the Philippines. I was bewildered. After all, her husband had left her for a younger woman years ago. He had since lived with the woman and their common children as though his primary responsibility was to them.

When my friend’s husband abandoned her, she was left alone to feed, raise their three children and send them to school. She bore the weight of parenthood alone, working double time until every one of her children had finished a degree. Despite the passing of years, bitterness in her voice is still perceptible when the subject of her marriage is touched. She has not filed any legal action to nullify their marriage; or to legally separate from him. She also has not filed a criminal case for concubinage which would have been easy for her to prove considering her husband’s open relationship with the other woman.

When I asked her if she did not want to move on, she said that in her on way she has moved on. She has been able to live without him; learned not to expect anything from him; and is enjoying the company of her their children all by herself. If she obtained a declaration of nullity of marriage, she said, it would be like rewarding her husband for his despicable irresponsibility and infidelity, she added. She is advocating against the passing of a divorce law in the Philippines, saying that women who are in a miserable marriage have enough options under our laws, citing the availability of petitioning for a declaration of nullity of marriage, or annulment of voidable marriages, or legal separation.

               

                This woman is a result of an abusive marriage. An abusive marriage happens when a husband is unfaithful or physically abusive. In this case, the husband left her for another woman. She then, chooses to raise her kids alone and not depend on her husband; even still, she is against divorce. She said that women have enough rights. I’d have to disagree with this statement. Women have rights but it can never be enough. Women are usually the victims of marriage oppression and abuse. I have concluded that some women are made to be martyrs. Some women give all the pain and suffering to them and they do not think of themselves. This is where divorce kicks in; divorce may help these women to be free and to be out of harm. I believe that women have the potential to fight for their rights and to fight for what they believe in. Women tend to tolerate suffering in a relationship because they give importance to love more than themselves. Love is more important for them to keep the family intact. I believe that women are capable of loving and also living their life the way they want to live it. I believe that women should fight for their rights because they have the capability to do so. 

Prevention is cure

"Do you take this man or this woman to be your husband or your wife till death due you part? That is the question you are asked during your marriage vows. But in the back of your mind were you thinking, sure I take this person. But if it doesn't work I'll file for a divorce and get on with my life?

If that thought was in the back of your mind, you are not alone. It must be in the back of some couple's minds because 50 to 60% of today's newlyweds will divorce. Why?

I have chosen 3 areas to focus on from the article in the article “Top Reasons Why People Divorce” in Yahoo!

1.       Poor communication

This is one of the cases wherein a couple does not speak to each other or is not fully open to the idea of communicating their feelings to each other. This is when couples feel obliged to update each other with their feelings and what has been happening with their lives individually. Everything is much like a contract with each other and every conversation feels dragging as ever. Poor communication results to a contracted relationship not a real one.

2.       Change in priorities.

There was a change in priorities because of having kids, having jobs and the priority now is family based not individual based or couple based. The issue on having different priorities is very much important because it gives the couple a sense of freedom or maybe a sense of pride. With different priorities, there are different reactions to it. Priorities are supposed to be balanced. It should not be one sided. It has to be two sided or even sometimes multiple divided. A couple should learn balance their family needs, their relationship and their social life. There should be diversity and there should be flexibility. I believe that it takes a lot of time to adapt to this kind of relationship. Almost all married lives have different issues to live with every day, it’s just a matter of dealing with it before it even begins to get worse.

3.       Physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse.

Emotionally or sexually is still abuse in any perspective. I believe that in any way to look upon it, it is still abuse in many different ways. I believe that nobody has the right to be abusive to other people not unless it is for self-defense. Any form of abuse is liable to imprisonment and it is against the law and the teachings of the Church.

I believe that every person has the responsibility to be liable to their own actions. They should be aware of the consequences. As they say, prevention is always the cure. To prevent is to cure, to prevent is to be sure. Prevent pervasive issues such as miscommunication and the like in order to become happy and in order to become the people you would want to be in a relationship. I believe that this can make every marriage happy.

The Remedy

The bill seeks to introduce divorce in Philippine law with a strong sense of confidence that it will be used responsibly by Filipino couples. This confidence stems from the experiences of Filipino families that show that separation is usually the last resort of many Filipino couples whose marriage has failed. Cases of battered women also support this. Battered women invariably seek separation only after many years of trying to make the marriage work; separation only becomes imperative for them when they realize that it is necessary for their and their children’s survival. Divorce could actually provide protection to battered women and their children from further violence and abuse. With the predominance of the Catholic faith in the Philippines, the fear that divorce will erode personal values on marriage appears unfounded. The experience of Italy, where the Vatican is located, and Spain, two predominantly Catholic countries which practice divorce, supports this. Those countries have a low rate of divorce. Italy registers a 7% rate while Spain registers 15%. The figures reflect the strong influence of religious beliefs and culture on individuals in deciding to terminate marital relations.

This bill is respectful of and sensitive to differing religious beliefs in the Philippines. It recognizes that the plurality of religious beliefs and cultural sensibilities in the Philippines demand that different remedies for failed marriages should be made available.

The Remedy is Divorce. The congress believes that the Filipino people will use this law responsibly and in accordance to the law. The figures shown above reflect the strong influence of religious beliefs to terminate marital relations. This makes people hesitant to accept the divorce bill fully because they think that it is a preposterous law that will make Filipino people lax. But what happens when the divorce bill is implemented? There will be freedom and it will pave the way to second chances. I believe that this law enables people to be independent and accepting to their own actions and responsibilities. If they believe divorce is wrong, then so be it. If they decide to result to divorce, that’s okay as well. It does not matter but what I’m saying is that Divorce may be a remedy to those women or men who are in an abusive marriage (of course, men won’t admit that they are being abused by their wives. That’s purely gender hierarchy mentality) I believe that divorce is a liaison to the sickness of society which is tolerance. Filipino people tend to tolerate anything and everything that affects them personally or truly makes them weak. I believe that everything has a reason and the reason to result to divorce should be fairly reasonable. As redundant as it may possibly sound, I believe that this is always the case. Couples should have a fair reason for resulting to Divorce because they will simply either regret it or not. Divorce should be a choice not an obligation and most definitely not a hasty decision. It must be thought about thoroughly and must be mutual. It has to be, or else it won’t be a remedy, but a sickness.